Hello, Snotwanglers... I mean my loyal chums. This is Simon McGuinness in my living quarters after a long fortnight of sheer drudgery at the Isle of Man. Oh, the place is alright and beautiful and all but this time of year it's just bloody cold. So I'm in my coat and fuzzy slippers for the better half of near a week with some geezers who want me to slide them ₤200,000 for some seaside shack with a houseboat attached. Why? I've already got a boat.. least I did before it didn't take well to letting some nervy git named Henry steer it through the Channel in a sudden pour. Last I heard he was pissed at some lay-by with a plastic cup and ratty terrier. I never saw a quid for my losses.
But it is good to be back at home. And I'm already bored out of my mind! Still it beats cramming into a bus with a dozen geezers I've seen nearly every day for fifteen years and another dozen whose names I never remember. That's what I'll be doing again in half a week. At least we won't be stopping in Oslo this time. I lost my passport there last year and still think the place is right bad luck.
Malcolm left a call on the machine this afternoon but I didn't feel like getting out of bed until much later. He always calls back though. And I best be off to sleep again now. Won't be doing that for weeks. If you're in Glasgow and have heard of a place called "MacGurgy's Turdhouse" we won't be there. But we'll be playing across the street next week if you've happened across the last of the promotional tickets (or happen to get them from some peddler standing outside).
By the way, my new friend Gladys Murphy dictated this message. She wanted me to mention. I hate typing and bloody computers. They're fun and all if you can be bothered, which I usually can't. Besides I'm lazing on the couch right now and am drifting in and out of a match on TV. Good night and see you soon.
Simon McGuinness
